Comments for Breakup & BreakupAid

Comment on Breakup as Wakeup by LEO AVERBACH

LEO AVERBACH — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 07:29:53 +0000

Hi Sammy, Your comment contains a lot of wisdom. I believe that accepting that not all relationships work is esential to a full recovery from divorce. The greater difficulty is handling the anger that is released when you separate in a way that allows you reap some benefit from the drama, to see it as a wakeup call. Fortunately for me, I did.

Comment on Divorce Can Lead to Better Things by LEO AVERBACH

LEO AVERBACH — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 07:18:22 +0000

Hi Sammy, Thanks for your story and your interest. Sounds like you are in a good place with yourself, and that is what counts. I do think that turning inward was the key change I made. Overall, the transformation I underwent allowed me to establish better relationships at all levels and you seem to be experiencing something similar. Good luck.

Comment on Divorce Can Lead to Better Things by Sammy R.

Sammy R. — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 02:02:09 +0000

Amazing. It’s inspiring hearing stories like this. I took a similar path, of spirituality (not religion) and found that yoga and meditation helped me heal immensely. As you said, turning inward was the key. I just came out of a short but relatively intense relationship. It was the first woman I was together with since my separation last year (which is why it was intense…for me anyway). She was very different from my ex, and I realized more what I value in a partner, and realized how much I compromised while being with my ex. So while it sucked that this relationship didn’t work out the way I wanted it to, I’m able to fully appreciate what she taught me about myself.

You’re a strong man. I know what I had to (and have to) go through, and your situation was/is much more difficult, so I can only imagine what you went through. All the best.

Comment on Breakup as Wakeup by Sammy R.

Sammy R. — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 01:52:16 +0000

My wife and I (of 3+ years) separated last year. We did everything together. We traveled the world together and, like you, shared the same values. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her, but it became apparent that something wasn’t right. In the end, it was her that had the guts make the decision to go our separate ways. I never would have done it. Fear kept us together for so long. Fear of being alone. We were grateful that we didn’t have kids. I was quite devastated. It felt like my world got turned upside down. All these plans we had for that year…poof, gone.

After my recovery I realized for certain that we weren’t meant to be together. Not in that capacity. We remain best friends. I can now look back and see what she did for me, how she affected my life, took me from a place I wasn’t very happy in, and pushed me to pursue a better lifestyle for myself. For this I am grateful and I truly believe that people come into our lives for a reason. I can see that the seven years we had together were just that, seven years. We have a notion that relationships have to last forever, but maybe they’re meant to run their natural course. Maybe we’re meant to partner up, learn from each other, then move on when it’s time. It’s a concept I struggle to accept, being a romantic and all, but it seems right to me. I don’t know.

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you had to go through having your wife cheat on you. That must have been horrible.

Comment on Breakup as Wakeup by Dr Waseem Ansari

Dr Waseem Ansari — Tue, 11 May 2010 18:02:35 +0000

Wonderful blog Sir you wrote it from the heart,i can feel the emotions you carried while writing and i know what it takes to describe ur real life and wit ur words it really comes out to be extremely beautiful post

Comment on Negotiating a Crisis by LEO AVERBACH

LEO AVERBACH — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 09:51:04 +0000

Geoff,
I certainly agree that rule #1 – Stand still and Breathe – applies in many situations. If you mean that you cannot follow rules #2 – #5 unless you observe rule #1, I’m in agreement here too. It’s a necessary but not a sufficient guide. You need the added refinements to see you through.
Leo

Comment on Negotiating a Crisis by Geoff

Geoff — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 06:50:27 +0000

Leo,

Your #1 rule could be used in many situations. It works for writing, dealing with crisis, anticipating a success or a failure, anticipating a connection or a rejection. It works for boredom and excitement and fear.

The rest of your rules are apt, well thought out, well extrapolated from experience, but they are all dependent on rule #1. Thanks.

Geoff Hoff